How to Stop Self-Sabotage + Why You Do It

Last Updated on March 9, 2024

It can be easy to forget the power of our subconscious minds. We usually have no idea how our actions (or inactions) affect our lives. We may complain that things never go our way, we are unlucky, or we don’t have what it takes to succeed in life but what we don’t realize is that we are creating our fate through subconscious self-sabotage.

In today’s post, you’ll discover what causes self-sabotaging behavior, examples and signs of it, as well as how to stop self-sabotage for good!

What causes self-sabotaging behavior?

There are different reasons why we self-sabotage. It can be that we lack self-worth or fear success, which is usually a result of low self-confidence.

Those who sabotage themselves may be afraid of what other people will think of them if they would achieve their goals. They may not believe they’re deserving of the outcome, so they act in self-destructive ways to make sure they fail.

These destructive thoughts happen subconsciously, so the self-saboteurs are actually deceiving themselves into thinking they know what they want. If there is any uncertainty, fear, or doubt, they will find a way to ensure failure.

See also: How to reprogram your subconscious mind to change your life

Self-sabotaging examples

Subconsciously, we might be afraid of the outcome, even though we say we want something. Let’s take weight loss as an example of self-sabotaging behavior. A lot of overweight people struggle with weight loss for years but still cannot lose or keep the weight off. They try diet after diet, different workout routines, and anything to force the weight off. But what happens under the surface? Do they really want to lose their excess weight?

They might say they do, but what if their layers of fat provide a feeling of protection and security in an unpredictable world? What if they feel it’s necessary to cover up and conceal themselves?

Losing weight then becomes a threatening and fearful option. Therefore, they may self-sabotage to avoid feeling too exposed and vulnerable. So, even when they say they want to lose weight and believe that they actually do, they may still sabotage by sneak eating food, skipping a workout, and then promising to do better tomorrow.

Other people may be terrified by something as “simple” as starting a new job. Did you know there are quite a lot of people who don’t show up for job interviews, even for high-paying, desirable positions?

We can take a look at another example. Let’s say a full-time mother decides she needs to return to work to help with their family income. However, what she truly wants is to stay at home with her children, but she feels obliged to find a job. Therefore, instead of applying for a suitable job position, she applies for jobs that are out of her reach or clash with her family’s schedule, so she has to reject the job if it’s offered. Subconsciously, it’s her way of ensuring that she doesn’t have to leave home, but can still say she tried to find a job.

Signs of self-sabotage behavior

Here are some signs of self-sabotaging behaviour:

1. Procrastination: Consistently delaying or avoiding tasks, responsibilities, or goals, often leading to missed opportunities or increased stress levels.
2. Fear of failure: An intense fear of failure or perfectionism that prevents you from taking risks, pursuing goals, or stepping out of your comfort zone.
3. Negative self-talk: Engaging in self-critical or self-deprecating thoughts, undermining confidence, and creating a negative mindset that can hinder progress.
4. Self-doubt: Constantly questioning your abilities, worthiness, or competence, leading to a lack of belief in yourself and limited efforts to achieve goals.
5. Setting unrealistic expectations: Establishing excessively high or unattainable goals, and setting yourself up for failure and disappointment, can demotivate and discourage progress.
6. Proximity to negative influences: Surround yourself with individuals who have a negative impact, such as those who discourage growth, reinforce self-doubt, or engage in destructive behaviors.
7. Avoidance of success: Unconsciously avoiding or sabotaging opportunities for success, either due to fear of change, fear of responsibilities that come with success, or deep-seated feelings of unworthiness.
8. Lack of personal well-being: Neglecting self-care, such as physical health, mental health, or emotional needs, which can result in burnout, decreased motivation, and hindered performance.
9. Impulsive behavior: Acting on impulses without considering long-term consequences, engaging in self-destructive behaviors, or making decisions that sabotage progress or relationships.
10. Resistance to help or support: Avoiding or rejecting assistance, guidance, or support from others, often due to a fear of vulnerability or a belief that one should handle everything alone.

It’s important to note that self-sabotaging behavior can vary from person to person, and you may exhibit different signs or combinations of behaviors. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward addressing and overcoming self-sabotage to foster personal growth and success.

How to stop self-sabotage

Fortunately, we can overcome self-sabotage, and the most crucial step to stop self-sabotaging is to recognize that it’s happening.

We have to develop conscious self-awareness of our emotions, fears, thoughts, and behaviors. Only then can we understand how they affect our behavior. Once the cause of our disruptive behavior is determined, we can prevent it from happening again in the future.

If you’ve been struggling with a specific goal and it doesn’t seem to go the right way, take a look at the setbacks you experienced:

• Could any setbacks have been avoided by making smarter choices?
• Have you faced significantly many setbacks for this specific goal?

If you answered yes to either of those questions, you might be self-sabotaging yourself.

To stop self-sabotage you have to keep in touch with your subconscious mind. An excellent way to do that is to meditate. With meditation, you have the opportunity to find the answers you have been searching for.

Some important questions to ask yourself are what frightens you? Try to meditate on the questions below:

• What are your fears?
• Do you feel uncertain?
• Or uncomfortable in any way?
• Why would you try to stop yourself?

Use a journal to write down these questions and answers, because writing can help you connect with your deepest part. This may take some time and practice, but looking into these possibilities can truly help you exit the vicious self-sabotage cycle.

By developing insight and clarity about the results we want to create, as well as awareness of potential setbacks, we can end the self-sabotage and focus our energy on new goals that we will truly support.

We will then look back one day and see how much our lives changed when the self-sabotage stopped. Instead of being our worst saboteurs, we became our best supporters.

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