10 Signs of Gaslighting & How to Respond

Last Updated on June 17, 2023

The term gaslighting originates from a 1938 play about a husband who tries to trick his wife into thinking she is delusional. Part of this included toying with their gas-powered lights so that they flicker and convince her she is imagining it, hence the name gaslighting.

Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re going insane and further lead to anxiety, depression, and trauma. That’s why it’s crucial to know the warning signs to look out for and how to respond to gaslighting.

In today’s post, you’ll learn all about gaslighting. First, we’ll go over the definition, then 10 signs of gaslighting, and finally how to respond to it.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that can be defined as making someone question their own reality. The gaslighter creates a false narrative for the victim that makes them doubt their perceptions and become confused, stressed, or mislead.

Gaslighting usually occurs in abusive relationships where the victim is vulnerable and fearful of the consequences of confronting the lies. Narcissists are commonly known to gaslight. Check out the signs of narcissistic abuse HERE to find out if you are dealing with a narcissist in your life!

10 Warning Signs of Gaslighting

Here are 10 warning signs of gaslighting to look out for:

1. You are being lied to about things you know the truth about, but you still begin to question the reality.
2. The gaslighter never lets you talk during an argument and refuse to listen to what you have to say.
3. You frequently question yourself if you are being too sensitive or overly dramatic, as the gaslighter keeps telling you that you are.
4. You spend a lot of time apologizing to the gaslighter, and the gaslighter never apologizes to you.
5. The gaslighter projects their feeling and insecurities onto you.
6. The gaslighter twist and retells events to shift the blame on you, which makes you begin believing that you are at fault.
7. Your feelings and thoughts are being dismissed.
8. The gaslighter tells you and others that you are crazy.
9. You feel like everything you do is wrong.
10. The gaslighter always insists that they are right and can never see things from your perspective.

How to Respond to Gaslighting

How can you protect yourself when you feel like you’re being gaslighted in a relationship? Below you’ll find a step-by-step guide to take by yourself, as well as with the gaslighter.

Steps to Take by Yourself:

1. Look out for the signs. Gaslighting can involve many different behaviors. Watch out for the 10 warning signs of gaslighting listed above.
2. Accept what you feel. It’s important to know that your emotions are natural and valid, especially if the gaslighter tends to ignore them. Practice observing and recognizing your feelings without judgment.
3. Collect documentation. If you find that the gaslighter is often inaccurate or deceitful, keep track of the incidents yourself. You may need to keep a journal or save text messages and other communications.
4. Keep in touch. Stay in regular contact with friends and family so you have a strong support network. Talking with others about what is going on can also help you get a new perspective on the situation.
5. Consider your options. You have to decide if any relationship is good for you. The gaslighter may be willing and able to change. Otherwise, think about your expectations for the future.

Steps to Take With the Gaslighter:

1. Talk about the issue. Let the gaslighter know when you feel you have been treated unfairly. Speak directly and respectfully for yourself. State your point and stand your ground.
2. Set limits. The gaslighter may become defensive or try to change the subject. Tell them that the problem needs to be fixed. Try to set healthy boundaries and negotiate terms that help both of you feel understood.
3. Avoid apologizing too much. If you apologize just to avoid conflict, practice saving the apologizing to situations where you really are to blame. Be consistent so that the gaslighter knows what to expect.
4. Be independent. Gaslighting usually occurs when one in the relationship feels significantly inferior to the other. But remember, you may be more capable than you think. Take control of your life by working toward your own goals and developing more resilience.

If you are worried about relationship patterns that make you doubt yourself, you could be a victim of gaslighting. Stand up for yourself and have a conversation about it with the gaslighter. You may be able to resolve the issue more constructively.

If the gaslighting continues, it’s probably time to end the relationship. Being a victim of gaslighting can have serious effects on your mental health.

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