Last Updated on June 3, 2023
Is there a narcissist in your life who is controlling you? You may not realize it, but this person may also be affecting your brain. A narcissist doesn’t care about anything but himself or herself, so controlling you is just part of the game. And as a result, they can be very dangerous to your health, self-image, and mind.
Keep reading to learn the signs of narcissistic abuse, how damaging it can be, and how to recover from it!
What are the Traits of a Narcissist?
A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition that involves a pattern of self-centered thinking, a deep need for attention, and an inflated sense of importance. Narcissists are described to be cocky, manipulative, and very selfish.
Below are the most common traits of narcissists to look out for:
- Vulnerable to criticism and disagreements
- Lack of empathy
- Sense of entitlement
- Rarely able to maintain functional and healthy relationships
- Incapable of teamwork
- Unable to cope with disagreement
- Demands, intimidates, bullies, and belittles others when they feel threatened
- Takes advantage of others
- Expect the people around to always do as they wish
- Needs constant praise and admiration
- Lives in a fantasy world with distortion, self-deception, and magical thinking
- Extreme defensiveness
- Often exaggerate or outright lie about their achievements and skills
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is psychological, financial, sexual, or physical abuse of others by someone with narcissistic traits or suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissist can be abusive in all kinds of relationships, including romantic partners, family members, friends, etc.
Narcissistic abuse usually includes mind control. The basic definition of mind control is brainwashing and persuasion to take over your mind. It involves manipulative strategies that help them influence your brain and behavior. It can take different forms and narcissists are skilled in using this technique to control you.
A large part of mind control is coercive persuasion. That’s when narcissists use different techniques to manipulate someone as they wish. It includes attempts to force people to change their beliefs, values, opinions, or behaviors through psychological pressure, inappropriate influence, and threats. This kind of persuasion puts the victim under extreme stress and anxiety.
Narcissists know how to use subtle control, so you don’t even realize that you are doing what they want. They also use trigger phrases to control you. Some common phrases include disappointment and statements about their feelings. They may remind you of how you should behave and think.
Narcissistic Abuse Examples
Some narcissists are good at disguising their nature. Watch out for these signs of narcissistic abuse:
- Doesn’t care about your feelings or pain.
- Use a variety of emotional and other manipulative techniques to get you to do or think a certain way.
- May use flattery and love to influence you, in turn with aggression and anger to control you.
- Isolates you from others, so he/she can manage you easier.
- Tries to create chaos and uncertainty, so you don’t know what to expect and live in constant fear. This also gives narcissists more control, because they can decide how to deal with things.
- Gaslights you.
- Shifts the blame to you, even when you had nothing to do with the situation.
- Lies to you to maintain their power in the relationship.
The psychological control that a narcissist can perform may surprise you. They have the power to convince you of anything and make you doubt your memory. They can enter your mind with a simple phrase. Take care of yourself by taking the necessary measures, which you will learn later in this post!
Effects of Narcissistic Abuse on the Brain
What a lot of people are unaware of is the shocking effects of narcissistic abuse of the brain. The abuse leaves the victim with traumatic stress, which can develop into post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). That results in damage to your brain. Your hippocampus shrinks, which is responsible for memory and learning.
The longer you stay in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, the more severe the damage is to your hippocampus. As a result, it becomes more difficult to remember and learn new stuff…
Another part of your brain that is affected by narcissistic abuse is the amygdala. The amygdala controls life functions, such as breathing and heart rhythm, and basic emotions of love, hate, fear, and lust.
The amygdala remembers the things we felt, saw, and heard from every painful experience we had. Due to the constant state of anxiety experienced as a victim of narcissistic abuse, the amygdalae become overactive. This can result in post-traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, phobias, and more.
How to Leave a Narcissist
If you are the victim of ongoing abuse in your relationship, the most critical step is to recognize the abuse and know that it is wrong. However, this can be hard for someone who has been in an abusive relationship for some time. Take steps to change your situation. Seek friends who can help build you up and affirm your value, and spend time with those friends.
A smart tip is to write down all the reasons why you are leaving, this can help prevent you from being sucked back in. Have the list handy, and look at if the narcissist tries to charm his/her way back into your life!
In some cases, victims need outside help to escape. You may need to seek help from a trusted family member, friend, or therapist to figure out how to leave. Support is essential!
If you decide to leave the abusive relationship, be sure to take precautions to protect yourself. If you choose to walk away, remember that the abuse may continue.
Take these necessary steps to protect yourself, if you fear the abuse may continue after you left:
- Contact law enforcement officers and inform them of your situation. Request a restraining order or other protective measures to prevent the narcissist from attacking.
- Establish a security system in your new home.
- Inform neighbors about the current situation and ask them for help to prevent problems.
Take action, and protect yourself!
Most importantly, remember that you are valuable. Anyone who makes you feel otherwise can only do so if you let them. Ask for help from positive and emotionally strong friends. Replace the narcissistic abuse with strength and confidence in your self-worth. Don’t wait, start to follow these tips today, and you will become much stronger and happier!
How to Recover From Narcissistic Abuse
It is important to remember that recovery and healing take time. Your self-esteem and confidence may have been crushed by the abuse. Your ability to make decisions on your own may also be affected. And, under the control of the narcissist, it probably feels like your identity has almost disappeared.
Allow yourself time to grieve. Let all the emotions out. It’s normal to feel angry, sad, disappointed, confused, etc. For healing to happen, it’s necessary to truly feel all your emotions!
Physically avoiding a narcissist may not be enough to escape his or her control. Any type of communication, such as phone conversations or even text messages, can place you under their thumb.
One important thing to remember is that a pattern can sometimes be hard to notice. In some cases, once a person escapes a narcissist, they will find another. This sad pattern can be repeated, so it is vital not to fall into it.
Try to educate yourself about narcissists and the techniques they use. The more you understand, the easier you can recognize their tactic and stay away. You might also find some relief by knowing that you are not alone.
That’s why I highly recommend you to check out the Understanding Narcissism Summit. The Understanding Narcissism summit covers all aspects from new ways of looking at narcissism, why empaths and narcissists are magnetically attracted to each other, how to “unhook” from this toxic attraction, and how to heal from narcissistic impact. It’s a unique opportunity to learn how to create healthy relationships, and address the trauma of narcissistic abuse!
You’ll also get three bonuses carefully curated to help you heal from the wounds of narcissistic abuse.
If you want to recover from the impact narcissism has had on your life and create relationships where you are truly seen, valued, and cared for, then you’ll be more equipped to do so once you join the Narcissism Summit!
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If you enjoyed this post on signs of narcissistic abuse, I would be very grateful if you spread the word by sharing it on Twitter, Facebook, or Pinterest! Thank you!❤️
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Hello, my name is Sara and I am the founder of Spiritvibez, I’m here to guide you on your spiritual journey toward healing, growth, and self-discovery. I believe that true transformation occurs when the mind, body, and spirit are aligned and working in harmony. Through Spiritvibez, I hope to inspire and empower you to deepen your spiritual practice, embrace your authentic self, and begin living your best life.
Can a narcissist change for the better? This describes my friend’s husband, or how he used to be. I think there are still small flashes, but for the most part, they’ve made big strides in their marriage. Bookmarking for reference…just in case! Thank you.
It is possible for narcissists to change but it’s very unlikely. They must have a good reason and motivation to be willing to change. Most of them do need professional help from a terapist. Maybe your friend’s husband had narcissistic traits but didn’t meet the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, in that case, it would definitely be easier to overcome it.
What an informative blog! I’m blessed to say I don’t have narcissists in my life right now (apparently I’ve cut them off years ago) and I think that’s the best way to stay away. I agreed with your suggestions, they’re great and true! Recognize the abuse. Enough is enough. Thank you so much for sharing.
http://www.lifebeginsattwenty.com
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I’m happy to hear you don’t have any narcissists in your life anymore!
So truthful article! Very good read!
Thank you so much!
I have a narcissistic mother in law and it’s definitely been a journey in identifying the source of the toxicity as well as navigating through it properly while also maintaining our emotional well being. Thanks for sharing.
I’m sorry to hear that, having a narcissistic mother in law must be hard, especially if she is still in the picture. Take care of yourself x
This has helped me in so many ways. It’s helped give me courage to walk away once and for all ,to accept that what was going on in my relationship was abuse. To open my eyes to all the things that were happening or that I was making excuses for. I’ve got alot to do to get over this relationship to be able to move on and find happiness.
I’m sorry to hear you had to go through that. It must have been so hard walking away, but you definitely made the right decision. You should be very proud of yourself, and even if it seems too hard, you will heal and you will feel happy again, just take it day by day. Take care of yourself❤️
You shared a great article. I would like to appreciate your time and effort in creating this meaningful information. Here are my Thoughts about Narcissistic abuse. Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a journey of self-discovery and healing. It begins with recognizing the manipulation and toxicity that once clouded our lives. Embracing self-compassion and setting healthy boundaries is crucial in reclaiming our sense of self-worth. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals helps in rebuilding trust and fostering personal growth. Visit us!